Even though communication seems like a simple concept, I had an epiphany this week.
Cody and I are getting married next May (can't wait!) and I'm not shy when I tell people that we are doing premarital counseling. I was reluctant to do it, because to me, it meant that our relationship was not good and was broken. After talking to friends and other married couples, I made the call to a local therapist (Note: I highly recommend him so if you would like his information, feel free to reach out to me). My initial thoughts quickly changed once we had our first session.
The type of therapy that he practices is emotionally-focused therapy (EFT). According to goodtherapy.org, it is based on emotion which holds the key to identity. EFT believes that your emotions drive your decisions and choices. EFT also assumes that when you have a lack of emotional awareness, it can affect a person very negatively. (goodtherapy.org, 2020)
I am one to hold in my emotions because 1. I fear judgment 2. I put others feelings above my own. While in therapy and realizing my own internal struggle, the thought of going with a partner terrified me. I thought "Oh my god, I'm going to be exposed. I have to say how I feel in front of someone I know and love" and then I thought "Dude, snap out of it, that's why you are going to therapy. You are marrying this guy, if you can't be yourself in front of him, who else can you be yourself with?!"
Cody and I are on may be our seventh or eight session now and have already learned so much. We realized that we both deal with our emotions the same exact way. Our therapist has helped us so much with coming to terms with our emotions. For example, last week I was quiet in the car and while Cody was driving. He sensed something was wrong with me because I usually get quiet and distance myself when I'm sad. He asked me what's wrong and my typical answer is "nothing" and then I start to get teary eyed thinking about whatever negative thoughts I'm having and that's it, conversation over. This time, when he asked I decided to open up about my feelings and he responded with "OK". Now that "OK" might not seem like a lot, but it was a huge breakthrough for us. Eventually I'd like us to get to a place where we have a conversation about our feelings but it was really big for me to just open up and for him to listen and respond to it. I can't wait to see what the next few sessions have in store for us, we are really growing as individuals and in our relationship.
Emotions are a scary thing, and it's even more terrifying when you have to communicate them to someone.Boy, when you do finally share your feelings, holy crap does it feel good. You feel like you are finally being seen and a weight has been lifted and all you had to do was talk about it!
I challenge you this week to share your emotions with someone, no matter the context, just share a piece of yourself. You will feel so much better afterwards, trust me. :)
References:
Team, G. (n.d.). Emotion-Focused Therapy. Retrieved September 22, 2020, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/emotion-focused-therapy
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