It's Okay Not To Be Okay.

Question: What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person?

Answer: It is someone who experiences acute physical, mental, and or emotional responses to stimuli. (highlysensitiverefugee.com, 2020)

The quote listed above really emulates and confirms what I've felt my whole life. I never knew there was a name for it until I got older. I was always a very emotional person, I made decisions based more from the heart than my head. I know everyone can sometimes feel sensitive, but I seemed to consistently "absorb" others feelings and could never seem to shake them off.

Last Friday, I had somewhat of a mini "mental breakdown", nothing crazy happened, just life started to pile up. Let me provide you a little sneak peak at what was going on inside my head below:

• I received the syllabus for the second class which looked like a lot of work

• I had to finish writing a paper for my first class

• Work was stressing me out

• Cody and I were looking at honeymoon resorts and I started to panic because I wanted somewhere safe and had a lot of activities so my mind would not start to wander (seriously, I also googled "What to do on your honeymoon", my therapist laughed at me when I told her that, which yes, I understand was funny but I was also being serious)

• My parents asked me to do something for them, which I was happy to do but it also took some time out of my day

• My future father-in-law asked me how Cody were doing (Cody has depression/anxiety which I've been trying to solve on my own), he asked me to take care/watch him

• My moms MRI was completed and the family was awaiting the results

• My anxiety/depression started to get worse because I felt like a failure and that I was letting everyone down

Did you get all that? (I promise, this story will relate back to the first paragraph)

Thank god I had my therapist appointment that day because I was barely hanging on. I just broke down and cried in front of her for the first time. I always try to keep a brave face on for others and act like I have everything together but in reality, I don't have it all figured out. I'm afraid if I'm not there for other people something bad will happen and I would blame myself for it because I took a moment to relax or I told someone "no".

My therapist told me that I needed to take care of myself and that it's okay not to be okay. It's impossible for me to take on everyones problems and solve them on my own. I can say no. Her validating for me that it was OK to do that just made a world of a difference for me.

During our session, she helped me revise my thoughts (responses in Bold):

• I received the syllabus for the second class which looked like a lot of work

- I'm going to use my weekly planner to map out homework days but to also add those self-care days as well (She wants me to do 2-3 activities/hobbies that I love to do each week)

• I had to finish writing the first draft of my paper for my first class

- DONE! I made a note to do it in my planner last Sunday

• Work was stressing me out

- I will have my masters degree soon enough and will be moving on, but for now, I'm going to concentrate on work and get excited for the new opportunity I'm going to have working with a sister agency!

• Cody and I were looking at honeymoon resorts and I started to panic because I wanted somewhere safe and had a lot of activities so my mind would not start to wander (seriously, I also googled "What to do on your honeymoon", my therapist laughed at me when I told her that, which yes, I understand was funny but I was also being serious)

- I need and deserve to relax. I'm not going to die or get kidnapped on my honeymoon (irrational thought). I need to trust my fiancé when he tells me that we are going to be OK, because we are.

• My parents asked me to do something for them, 4 days in a row, which I was happy to do but it also took some time out of my day

- I could have said yes to one or two days, but I have 3 other siblings who could taken day three and four.

• My future father-in-law asked me how Cody were doing (Cody has depression/anxiety which I've been trying to solve on my own), he asked me to take care/watch him

- Although I love him dearly and he was very nicely asking me to watch Cody, that is a lot for me to take on, especially when I am trying to work through my own issues. If he asks me next time, I'm going to suggest he speak with Cody directly.

• My moms MRI was completed and the family was awaiting the results

- Unfortunately this is something that we cannot control. We can't jump to conclusions, once we know the results, we will determine next steps.

• My anxiety/depression started to get worse because I felt like a failure and that I was letting everyone down

- I did not let everyone down and I am not a failure, I am only human and can only take on what I can handle.

After speaking with her, I felt so much better, sometimes you just need to an outside perspective on things.

Please don't feel like you need to take everything on, it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Even though it would be amazing, we are not superheroes!

REMINDER:

Reference:

What Is a Highly Sensitive Person? (A Relatable Guide). (2019, May 14). Retrieved October 19, 2020, from https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/what-is-highly-sensitive-person/