I spent a lot of time thinking about how I was going to write this post. I went back and back contemplating if I should even be speaking about this.This is not an easy topic for me to write but I have so many emotions and thoughts going on in my head right now that I just need to get them all out.
Last week, I was feeling good, pretty happy actually. October 1st came around and Cody and I put together a list of movies to watch that led all the way up to Halloween. I mastered a two minute plank in my barre class, and I was prepping to schedule the last class I needed before I started my internship next fall for my master's degree. I was feeling so accomplished and excited for my future until I got a call from my dad last Thursday night.
Mom has breast cancer.
Breast cancer? How? It doesn't run in our family, how is this possible?
I tried my best to keep my composure while I was on the phone with my dad. I felt like my throat was slowly closing up and I was struggling to breathe. Once I hung up, I just curled up into a ball and cried. I wasn't expecting this, this was not part of the plan.
As a person with anxiety, I instantly have a need to fix things once something goes wrong. I need to have control of a situation, so to hear this news and not be able to do anything about it, I feel so powerless. I told a friend that my anxiety is really testing me here. It is almost as if all my therapy has prepared me for this moment. I am forced to be patient and take things day by day.
I'll be honest, I'm terrified. I need my mom, she's been there for me through thick and thin. She has a good heart, which is where I think I get a lot of my generosity and selflessness from. As a family we will get through this, my mom is going to be fine. I just know she will, my mom is a tough cookie.
I've been praying to God every day which is why I felt the quote "let your faith be bigger than your fear" was so fitting for this post. My mom is in God's hands right now. I feel as if God is telling me, "do not be afraid" and "to be strong and courageous". "Don't be scared, you can trust me". Moving forward, I will choose to live each day with hope and positivity. I'm so blessed to have an amazing support system. Together, we will keep calm, and fight on <3
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